As I reflect on a previous conversation from this morning I wanted to take a moment to tell all the mom’s out there although the shoe’s we wear might be different, we walk along the path together. Motherhood at best is difficult and trying to maintain a sense of balance and self worth as a woman can seem impossible. Do me a favor and take just a moment for yourself. Angie this one is for you:

Your Wonderful Just The Way You Are!

We all have times when we wish we were more like someone else-or less like ourselves.Times when we keep a mental list of things we’d change, inside and out, if we could. But you’re so much more than a list! And you don’t have to be perfect to be amazing. All you have to be is yourself!

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Take life a day at a time. The dishes can wait, the kids are going to love you even after you yell at them and one day our husbands are going to look us in the face, smile and we will just know!

As noted in previous articles on my blog I made the decision to evaluate some major issues within my marriage. After 10 happy and not so happy years with my hubby we had hit a new all time low. I had actually tossed the “D” work around a time or too. After one major fight and the breaking of my seven years heart (by yelling those ugly words “get out” that the whole family heard) I had to do some major sole searching and quick. I quickly discovered that our “sexless” marriage was one big problem. I think more for him than I as I was pretty content with not doing the deed, honestly! But I knew this was an issue I was going to have to face so I wrote of list of reasons why I wasn’t willing…WOW click here to see the list:

http://mommymachelle.info/2008/11/20/sex-and-marriage-you-cant-have-one-without-the-other/

My husband wrote a list of reasons why he thought he wasn’t getting any, click here to see his list:

http://mommymachelle.info/2008/12/02/that-sex-and-marriage-thing-part-2/

Once the lists were created and the discussions were now open things actually started to change. Now I can’t say by any means we are having a healthy sex life but we both took the time to see what each other was feeling and thinking.

Things are finally starting to clam down on the home front with the holidays and travel over so I thought I now need to focus on this again. I know what some of the reasons are for our lack of sex as discovered with the “lists” now I needed to find some of the less obvious reasons why sex is important. So with some searching online here is what I came up with:

10 reasons I should be having sex

1. Sex Relieves Stress
A big health benefit of sex is lower blood pressure and overall stress reduction.
2. Sex Boosts Immunity
Good sexual health may mean better physical health. Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections.
3. Sex Burns Calories
Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.
4. Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health
While some older folks may worry that the efforts expended during sex could cause a stroke, that’s not so, and the heart health benefits of sex don’t end there. The researchers also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.
5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem
Boosting self-esteem was one of 237 reasons people have sex. That finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, Mass., although she finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. “One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves,” she tells WebMD. “Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it.”
6. Sex Improves Intimacy
Having sex and orgasms increases levels of the hormone oxytocin, the so-called love hormone, which helps us bond and build trust. Higher oxytocin has also been linked with a feeling of generosity. So if you’re feeling suddenly more generous toward your partner than usual, credit the love hormone.
7. Sex Reduces Pain
As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines. So if your headache, arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex, you can thank those higher oxytocin levels.
8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk
Frequent ejaculations, especially in 20-something men, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life,
9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles
For women, doing a few pelvic floor muscle exercises known as Kegels during sex offers a couple of benefits. You will enjoy more pleasure, and you’ll also strengthen the area and help to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life.
10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better
The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, according to research.

To read this article in it’s entirety click here “Top 10 Reasons To Have Sex Tonight”

Pretty interesting stuff. I have always know there was health benefits to having sex but to burn that many calories, hell that’s one step in the right direction in boosting my self esteem. I think this list provides some excellent research of the health benefits of having sex now I will focus my efforts on how to get me to agree to have sex, I think that is where our problems lies.[ad#ad-6]

In the mist of a struggling  marriage, I am trying to examine the less obvious reasons for the turmoil in my marriage. Last week I skimmed over the sex issue, or lack there of in our marriage. As promised, I sat down with my husband and although he knew I was writing about the issue, he didn’t know what my reasons were. I asked him to tell me 10 reason why HE thought we weren’t having sex and here is what he had to say:

#1 – I don’t satisfy you

#2 – I go to bed to early, I’m always asleep by the time you get to bed and you won’t wake me

#3 – You don’t find me attractive anymore

#4 – There is always a kid in our bed

#5 – You work all night long and I don’t want to bother you

#6 – I don’t know why other than you just always seem to say NO!

#7 – Seems like we are getting old and tired and just don’t want to try anymore

#8 – I wonder if you even like me sometimes

He didn’t make it to 10, he said he would have to think about it more but with the look on his face as we had  this conversation, I knew he didn’t need to say anymore than he already did.  As I sat there and listened to him list one by one what he thought, I didn’t say a word, I just listened. For once I realized he didn’t need me to prove him wrong, he didn’t need my justification for my actions and he didn’t need me to break down and examine each one of those thoughts. And I didn’t.  We didn’t discuss each others reasoning, we didn’t argue over whose fault it was nor did we clarify our own behaviors. We simply sat there in the moment, both hurting over the others response but not the kind of hurt as in “you did this to me and it’s your fault”, but the kind of ache in your heart that says I am sorry I have hurt you.

In my heart and head I know where I need to go with this.  I hope the same is true for my husband. I never imagined my husband thought the things that he did and I would never want him to hurt the way he is hurting right now.  I know that I can’t control his feeling, he owns and manages those himself, but I can control my actions and that is my starting point.

To get an understanding of all of this you will need to read part 1:

Sex and Marriage – You can’t Have One Without The Other

Bookmark Me or add me to your Feed as I have olny started to explore this topic.

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