I am really starting to feel the Christmas pinch this year and I must admit I’m a bit sad. Now I’m no stranger to a tight budget for the Holidays but somehow I always manage to pull some thing together just in the nick of time. I know I have a few more weeks but I will tell you my brain is tapped out.  I am avoiding the malls, heck I’m even avoiding Wal-Mart as I know I can’t buy the things for my kids that I would like let alone the things that they really need.

At this point I have to think homemade. I just inherited a sewing machine and once I figure out how to actually turn it on I plan to make some homemade bed sets for the kids. I have been hunting ads for blow-out bargains on material. I am also going to make each of my kids an Arts-n-Crafts tote of their own. I’m fed up with lost scissors, empty tape and hard glue not to mention the broken crayons and dried up markers. So I found these totes with handles at the $1 store and I’m going to fill each one with glue, scissors, crayons, markers, tape and I’m even throwing a stack of sticky notes in there so they quick using mine up! As for family and friends I plan to give a tin of baked goodies.

I would love to hear some of your homemade or handmade gift ideas, please I am in desperate need of HELP!! Well maybe not as desperate as the Mommy Pic below but I am getting close. Enjoy and Happy Holidays!!

I often search Yahoo’s Answers forum for topics relating to Cheap Family Meals. This is an excellent resource for anything from recipes, to home buying or just simply interacting with millions of other people who actually walk in very similar shoes to your own. I was browsing cooking topics yesterday and somehow landed in the family and divorce forum where I read and responded to the most heart touching story.  A young Dad posted a question yesterday in regards to the care and custody of his little girl as his wife had just pasted away.  Now the little girl is only 1 and he isn’t the biological father, but has been the one to raise her since she was born. This 27 yr old widow now has to face the heartbreaking decision of letting the little girl go to her biological father or fighting to keep her. You really have to read his story to understand everything as I have just briefly skimmed over it. (the link is below)

I immediately responded to his story and then all night long I ponder both his question and my response. My oldest daughter was created before my marriage and she knows as much but my husband has raised her since she was 4 yrs. old.  If you asked her, he is and always will be her only dad. But as any parent in a similar situation knows, that doesn’t hold up in a court of law very well. When my husband suffered a heart attack a little over a year ago we starting discussing our plans if such a tragic event were to happen that took either of us from our children. It was only obvious if anything happened to him I would of course continue to raise our children but what wasn’t as obvious is what if something happened to me or to the both of us.

As a mother I have specify my wishes for the care of my children as I cannot predict fate but can only try to prepare for what it can throw at me.  Life has so many twists and turns and we have to account for such even though its not something we could even begin to imagine. In the story above, this widowed husband  has some life impacting decisions to make in the mist of grief and sorrow. He wants to follow his late wife’s wished but is unclear on what those are.

Mom’s / Dad’s make a plan just in case. Draw up a will or even just a sheet of paper that specifies your plans for your children in the event something tragic happens. Go to your local bank, school or phonebook and find a notary to get that sheet of paper notarized. Yes the subject is difficult and at best unimaginable but don’t leave one of life’s most important decisions for a grieving spouse or family member to try and figure out.

Here’s the link to the young widowed father’s story:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081202165913AAEDbrX&show=7
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In the mist of a struggling  marriage, I am trying to examine the less obvious reasons for the turmoil in my marriage. Last week I skimmed over the sex issue, or lack there of in our marriage. As promised, I sat down with my husband and although he knew I was writing about the issue, he didn’t know what my reasons were. I asked him to tell me 10 reason why HE thought we weren’t having sex and here is what he had to say:

#1 – I don’t satisfy you

#2 – I go to bed to early, I’m always asleep by the time you get to bed and you won’t wake me

#3 – You don’t find me attractive anymore

#4 – There is always a kid in our bed

#5 – You work all night long and I don’t want to bother you

#6 – I don’t know why other than you just always seem to say NO!

#7 – Seems like we are getting old and tired and just don’t want to try anymore

#8 – I wonder if you even like me sometimes

He didn’t make it to 10, he said he would have to think about it more but with the look on his face as we had  this conversation, I knew he didn’t need to say anymore than he already did.  As I sat there and listened to him list one by one what he thought, I didn’t say a word, I just listened. For once I realized he didn’t need me to prove him wrong, he didn’t need my justification for my actions and he didn’t need me to break down and examine each one of those thoughts. And I didn’t.  We didn’t discuss each others reasoning, we didn’t argue over whose fault it was nor did we clarify our own behaviors. We simply sat there in the moment, both hurting over the others response but not the kind of hurt as in “you did this to me and it’s your fault”, but the kind of ache in your heart that says I am sorry I have hurt you.

In my heart and head I know where I need to go with this.  I hope the same is true for my husband. I never imagined my husband thought the things that he did and I would never want him to hurt the way he is hurting right now.  I know that I can’t control his feeling, he owns and manages those himself, but I can control my actions and that is my starting point.

To get an understanding of all of this you will need to read part 1:

Sex and Marriage – You can’t Have One Without The Other

Bookmark Me or add me to your Feed as I have olny started to explore this topic.

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