My sister-in-law, who without a doubt is my number 1 reader of this blog sends me a text this morning, it reads “So does this mean you are going to start having sex again” I of course respond “What?” as I have no clue what’s she is talking about. She then responds that she had read my post for yesterday. So the conversation then goes on as I state: “NO” to the sex, that the post is about facing my options at this point. I can either proceed with the divorce option or I can stop, take a moment or two and focus on the positive parts of my marriage and the good in my husband.

But then I really being to think about sex and where it fits in my marriage and of course the fact that it isn’t happening. And yes as I start this new chapter in my book of life I have got to devote some time and effort into this area of my marriage or lack there of!! If I asked my husband I’m positive he would say that the lack of sex is the number one problem with our marriage. If my husband asked me I would state the dozen of other obvious reasons our marriage is struggling and sex isn’t on that list.  So in my quest to focus on my marriage I have to focus on sex.  Why don’t I desire sex? It’s not him. I love my husband and I could never imagine being intimate with anyone else but him.  I decided to sit down and really think about this and make a list of reasons why I didn’t want to have sex.

Top ten reason why I’m not having sex:

• #1 – I’m tired – after the kids, work and the housework day in and day out by the time I climb the stairs to go to bed at night the only thing on my mind is sleep.
• #2 -You pissed me off – 99% of the time I’m mad at you for yelling at the kids, complaining that you don’t feel good, wishing for this or that but not taking the initiative to get what you want out of life.
• #3- I’m not feeling to sexy these days – the weight keeps climbing and the self esteem keeps falling
• #4- Ok this is getting hard….uuummm #4 let’s see – sex is getting boring but I think I’m afraid of trying new things
• #5 – If I give in tonight, you’ll want it again tomorrow and the next day and so on
• #6 – I’m stressed out…I don’t want to take time to make love, I want to take the time to resolve things
• #7- There’s a child in our bed and I don’t want you to wake her by moving her to her own bed (WOW good excuse)
• #8 – I didn’t even get a chance to shower today and now it’s late so nope I’m just going to go to sleep (OK even better excuse than #7)
• #9- the kids – who in their right mind want’s to take the chance of waking their kids after hours spent getting them to bed (see I’m good at this)
• #10 – This is the easiest one – I just have no desire whether it be a medical reason (probably not) or a middle age kind of thing (possibly) whatever the reason it’s just not there, nope nowhere, ok so maybe every once in awhile a thought will run through my mind while the kids are at school or something but not very often and your not here to act on it! (Ya, like he can really do anything about that)

Listing those 10 things was actually very difficult. Not only did I have to admit something’s about myself that I didn’t want to but I can see that some of my excuses are just plain crazy! I find myself being selfish and unreasonable about this issue on one hand and totally justified on the other.

O.K. so now what do I do with this newly discovered information?  Well the most obvious would be to tackle these one by one and resolve them. Finding the give and take in a marriage is at best difficult. My determination in finding my place as a wife and a woman will lead me down many undiscovered paths and that is a scary thought.  My plan is to sit down with my husband and go over this list with him, I am also going to ask him to make a list of 10 reasons why he thinks we are not having sex!

This topic is going to evolve quickly, keep checking back as I am just beginning to uncover some hard core facts that I think most all women face at one point in their marriage or relationship.
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