As I mother I know that there is nothing more precious that my children. Only our children can create those magical moments we share with family, friends or co-workers and it’s those moments that get us through difficult times at home, a long day on the job or an illness we are fighting with all our might. I enjoy all the long “ghost under the bed” conversations and the make believe cupcakes baking in the fisher price plastic kitchen. But some of my most memorable moments with my children haven’t been so precious.

Permanent Sharpie Markers

This not so precious mommy moment was taken the night before my daughters first day of preschool. Yes her make-up was beautiful, I just wish she would have chose washable markers instead of the sharpie permanents!!

I let this be a Daddy Moment!!

This is a classic example of my son Jackson’s fascination with toothpaste. To all the autistic parent’s out there, I know you will appreciate this picture. This is one of those mommy moments I gladly passed on to Daddy!!

To all the mom’s and dad’s or grandma’s and grandpa’s I salute you. Keep those not so precious moments close to your heart. When your day seems like it just keeps getting worse reflect on those special moments and take comfort in the fact that things could be worse.
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My sister-in-law, who without a doubt is my number 1 reader of this blog sends me a text this morning, it reads “So does this mean you are going to start having sex again” I of course respond “What?” as I have no clue what’s she is talking about. She then responds that she had read my post for yesterday. So the conversation then goes on as I state: “NO” to the sex, that the post is about facing my options at this point. I can either proceed with the divorce option or I can stop, take a moment or two and focus on the positive parts of my marriage and the good in my husband.

But then I really being to think about sex and where it fits in my marriage and of course the fact that it isn’t happening. And yes as I start this new chapter in my book of life I have got to devote some time and effort into this area of my marriage or lack there of!! If I asked my husband I’m positive he would say that the lack of sex is the number one problem with our marriage. If my husband asked me I would state the dozen of other obvious reasons our marriage is struggling and sex isn’t on that list.  So in my quest to focus on my marriage I have to focus on sex.  Why don’t I desire sex? It’s not him. I love my husband and I could never imagine being intimate with anyone else but him.  I decided to sit down and really think about this and make a list of reasons why I didn’t want to have sex.

Top ten reason why I’m not having sex:

• #1 – I’m tired – after the kids, work and the housework day in and day out by the time I climb the stairs to go to bed at night the only thing on my mind is sleep.
• #2 -You pissed me off – 99% of the time I’m mad at you for yelling at the kids, complaining that you don’t feel good, wishing for this or that but not taking the initiative to get what you want out of life.
• #3- I’m not feeling to sexy these days – the weight keeps climbing and the self esteem keeps falling
• #4- Ok this is getting hard….uuummm #4 let’s see – sex is getting boring but I think I’m afraid of trying new things
• #5 – If I give in tonight, you’ll want it again tomorrow and the next day and so on
• #6 – I’m stressed out…I don’t want to take time to make love, I want to take the time to resolve things
• #7- There’s a child in our bed and I don’t want you to wake her by moving her to her own bed (WOW good excuse)
• #8 – I didn’t even get a chance to shower today and now it’s late so nope I’m just going to go to sleep (OK even better excuse than #7)
• #9- the kids – who in their right mind want’s to take the chance of waking their kids after hours spent getting them to bed (see I’m good at this)
• #10 – This is the easiest one – I just have no desire whether it be a medical reason (probably not) or a middle age kind of thing (possibly) whatever the reason it’s just not there, nope nowhere, ok so maybe every once in awhile a thought will run through my mind while the kids are at school or something but not very often and your not here to act on it! (Ya, like he can really do anything about that)

Listing those 10 things was actually very difficult. Not only did I have to admit something’s about myself that I didn’t want to but I can see that some of my excuses are just plain crazy! I find myself being selfish and unreasonable about this issue on one hand and totally justified on the other.

O.K. so now what do I do with this newly discovered information?  Well the most obvious would be to tackle these one by one and resolve them. Finding the give and take in a marriage is at best difficult. My determination in finding my place as a wife and a woman will lead me down many undiscovered paths and that is a scary thought.  My plan is to sit down with my husband and go over this list with him, I am also going to ask him to make a list of 10 reasons why he thinks we are not having sex!

This topic is going to evolve quickly, keep checking back as I am just beginning to uncover some hard core facts that I think most all women face at one point in their marriage or relationship.
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“Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do, will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, will never…never forget it.” Anonymous

Considering the fact that my husband and I just had another fight and I finally threw the “D” work out it seems ironic that this quote was on my I-Google page. I am a big believer in fate, forgiveness and forever but I must say those are some hard words to live by all the time!

I often find myself viewing my marriage through a thick dense fog. When will the air clear, I ask? When will I breathe easier and when will the sun shine again? I am so familiar with this roller coaster ride. I love the ups and hate the downs and as time goes on the creaking of the tracks gets louder and louder.

I started to write this article about a week ago and never finished it. I can tackle the house, the kids and the finances with ease but trying to figure out my marriage is another thing all together.  I seem to easily place the issue’s of my marriage into a nice neat box and only bring the box out when I absolutely have to.  I guess it’s easier for me to push it aside and focus on all the other issues in my life. But year after year of doing just that, pushing my marriage aside, it has finally caught up to both my husband and I.

When I first started mommymachelle, I had a link called “for better or worse”. My daughter, as a faithful reader of my blog asked me why I never put anything in that section. I told her I just didn’t have anything to write about at the time but the truth is I had so much to write about, it’s just an area of my life I didn’t want to focus on.  But what I want and what I need to do has now come to light and I have to start tackling these issue not just for the sake of my sanity but to the benefit of my children and my husband as well.

So with much resistant, I being a new chapter in my book of life.

As a mother I will always love, cherish and protect my children. This I can guarantee!


As a woman, I will always be opinionated, temperamental and indecisive. This I can also guarantee!


But more importantly than anything else right now – As a wife, I will learn to put my marriage and husband first, I will not forget how important love is and I will always remember that I have to cherish every moment with my husband because marriage isn’t a guarantee, its a privilege that cannot be taken for granted!

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